Frailty of Life

It is so good to be home and settling into a life as a family of four. After an eight day stay in the NICU, Henry is doing great.  It is not how I imagined his birth story would go, but I know it is the birth story that God intended.  Throughout the last week I was reminded of so many important lessons.  The lessons of prayer, faith, and how to reach out and rely on others.  These lessons were all very helpful, but there is one that stands out in my mind.  The lesson of the frailty of life.

Psalm 139:16 states "all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be".  As I sat for days in the NICU with Henry I was reminded of this over and over.  You see, Henry was what the NICU would call a "healthy" baby.  Yes, he had bad enough issues to be in there, but he was not critical.  He was not struggling to survive one more day.  Walking down the hallway of the NICU, I was reminded each time that some of those babies were doing just that.

I was talking to a nurse one particular night about how thankful I was that we were only dealing with severe acid reflux.  There were so many other things that could go wrong.  I asked her how she dealt with the loss of some these children.  She said that she had to trust that God was in control.  That each of these babies were in his hand and that he knew from the moment they were born just how long they would live.  That no matter how much they tried, these babies would only survive as long as God intended. 

Then another incident occurred while I was there.  One of the nurses that took care of Henry lost her 21 year old son suddenly.  When the call came in that her son had died, the whole staff of the NICU was dumbfounded.  How could a 21 year old die of a heart attack?  It just didn't seem right.  I was reminded again that we are not in control.  Only God knows when our last breath will be taken.

Little did I know, that I would be reminded again of this very lesson just a day later.  My aunt and uncle visited Henry and me one night.  They had just come from a funeral of a relative.  An man in his 80s that had lived a long life.  I don't know the details of his life, but it was lived to the "expected" old age.  Death seems a little more okay when you have lived that long.  But, nonetheless, it is still death and it was unknown when he would take his last breath.

It was a sobering lesson to be reminded of during my stay.  It made me so grateful for all the people in my life.  Grateful for every moment that I get to spend with those I love.  But isn't it funny that as I was basking in the happiness of my sweet Henry's birth into this world, I was also reminded that one day he will die.  I hope and pray that he lives a long and beautiful life.  But, I am also comforted in knowing that it is all in God's hands.  Henry's days, as well as yours and mine, are numbered. 

So enjoy life and those you love.  Take nothing for granted.  But most importantly, make sure you know where you are going when this life ends.  You never know when your last breath will be taken.

Belly Aches

Lately, I have found myself belly aching over my belly aches.  I have found it hard to stop myself from focusing on the aches and pains of pregnancy.  So, I have been trying very hard to remember that each and every ache and pain is actually a blessing.  The hematoma, morning sickness, and fatigue of the first trimester.  The battle with myself over weight gain in the second trimester and the physical aches and pains of carrying a child in the third trimester.  They are all reminders of the miracle that is happening within me.  I haven't always succeeded in remembering, but God sure has had plenty of opportunity to take my belly aches and gently remind me of the miracle occuring inside of me.
So, I just want to take time out while I still can and thank God for allowing me to carry this child.  I know there are many different ways to become a mom and each one is special.  I just want to speculate for a moment how amazing it is that each life starts in a woman's womb.  That somehow is a few short months, God can create a human being.  It amazes me daily what God does.  How he knits someone together.  Someone unique and special with their own personality, looks, and purpose in life. 
While I am focused on that process, I also want to share something that has been kept close to my heart this entire pregnancy.  I have only voiced this concern to Bryan.  I have chosen to leave it in God's hands and see what is going to happen.  In fact, when I did share it with Bryan, I was shocked to find out that the same thing had been placed on his heart.  I am concerned that Henry may be born with a certain disability.  A condition that would cause others to see him as less than perfect.  Now, I don't know if it is simply fear that has been placed in my heart by Satan or a word from God that has been given to prepare me for what is to come.  All that will be revealed on Friday, when we meet our sweet little man.  That is why I have chosen to keep this close to my heart until now.  Why worry and fret about something that cannot be changed.
I do want to share it now because I want to be able to give God all the glory if it is the case.  I also want it to be a lesson for me no matter the outcome.  A lesson that God is in control.  That no amount of worry can change a situation.
I also wanted to share because I want it to be a reminder that Henry is practically perfect in every way.  He is who God created him to be.  His body is formed in the way that God wants it to be and his personality is set to serve the Lord in a particular way.  I am so excited to meet this little man.  I know several of you are as well! 
So, forgive me, if over the last few months you have been on the receiving end of any of my grumble and gripes about pregnancy.  I am so completely thankful for this experience and I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of this child.  Also, please forgive me if this blog somehow does not make sense.  I decided to take advantage of my insomnia and I am typing this in the wee hours of the morning. 
As the journey of this pregnancy is coming to an end and the journey of raising Henry begins, I want to thank you all for your love and support.  What a great testimony these last few months have been to the goodness of God. 
Now I am off to have a snack and hopefully a few more hours of sleep.