Crying Over Spilled Milk

It started out as a simple evening.  I was running to get us some supper.  We had chosen to get some barbeque because that helps with my protein requirements.  Well, the resturant was closed, so Bryan and Eleanor decided they wanted Wendy's.  I knew going through the drive-thru that this was going to be another time that I was left having to say "no".  The only thing on the menu that I could eat was the salad and why in the world $6 for a salad when I had lettuce as home.  So, I ordered Eleanor and Bryan their meals and headed home.
That is when the tears started.  For some people, it may be hard to understand why someone would actually cry over food.  For me, it is a reality that happens more than most people will ever realize.  You see, I made a commitment when I chose to have my weight loss surgery.  A commitment to eat a certain way for the rest of my life.  I knew it would be hard, but I tell you, I thought it would have gotten easier by now.
It is so hard to sit and say "no thank you" over and over when all you really want to say is "yes, please".  Having to say no to the pizza, french fries, doughnut, Easter candy, birthday cake, hamburger, or even the soda time and time again.  Having to sit and watch while those around me eat what I want to be enjoying.  It truly is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.  Why?  Because I know that it will never end.  I know that in order to remain true to my commitment to God, my husband and myself that I will never get to enjoy food the way that I did before. 
So, I cry.  I mourn the food that I will not allow myself to consume.  I cry and I quote 1 Corinthians 10:23 over and over again.  It says, "Everything is permissable, but not everything is beneficial.  Everything is permissable, but not everything is constructive." I know that I could easily eat any food that I want, but I know that it would not be beneficial for me.  It is just so hard to do sometimes.
Very few can understand what it really feels like to have to always refrain from the one thing you love doing so much.  That is where God comes in.  I know he understands and I know that he will give me strength to continue to make the decisions that I need to on a daily basis.  I just have to let it out sometimes.  I need to scream and stomp my foot and complain that no one gets it.  Yet, I know that there is someone that understands sacrifice even more than I do.  How dare I complain about having to sacrifice the food I love for the rest of my life when my God sacrificed his own Son for me?  Kind of brings it all into perspecitve.  Guess I really do need to stop crying over spilled milk and be thankful for all that I have and all that has been given to me.