For years I have said to myself, "If I could only be under 250 and fit into a size 18, I would be happy!". (Now I know that this isn't a great goal, but being stuck at 300 for so long, I needed to set a reasonable goal for myself.) I never dreamed that I could do any better. But guess what...I am there and I am not happy.
I have become withdrawn from friends. I go days with out speaking to anyone but Bryan, Eleanor and Mother. I have no desire to socialize. But, shouldn't it be the opposite? I am on my way to skinny, but I am not happy. Where is all that joy that is supposed to come along with it? You see it in commercials and on reality TV. They get skinny, they get happy.
I remembered a chapter in Made to Crave that was about this topic. I revisited it this morning and there I found my answer.
My body size is not tied to my happy. If my happy was missing when I was larger, it will still be missing when I get smaller. Tying my happy to food, skinny jeans, or anything else sets me up for failure. -Lysa Terkeurst
There is only one thing that can make me happy. I have to tie my happy to Jesus. How do I do that?
As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. John 15:9-12
There it is: Remain in me! Okay, but how? Love each other. It is so strange to me that these would be connected. I know it is bad, but I am reluctant to try. For reasons that I can't quite explain, I don't feel like loving anyone else right now. I have my own "stuff" to deal with. Now before you say, "Now Mary....", I know I am in the wrong. I just don't know if I can move out of it right now.
There are so many factors that are weighing on letting people back in. Factors that I don't really want to go into, but I will say that it is easier for me not to put myself out there than to deal with the repercussions of being hurt or criticized.
So, I must work on this. I want to find my happy. On this I will dwell on today.
After all, remember the ultimate goal of this journey isn't about making me a smaller sized person but rather making me crave Jesus and His truths as the ultimate filler of my heart. We are to remain in this healthy perspective. Let His thoughts be our thoughts. REMAIN. Let His ways be our ways. REMAIN. Let His truths go to the depths of our hearts and produce good things in our lives. REMAIN. Approach this world full of fellow incomplete people with the joy of Jesus. REMAIN. And see our skinny jeans as a fun reward, nothing more. REMAIN. And be led forth in peace because I've kept my happy tied only to Jesus. REMAIN. -Lysa TerKeurst
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