As you well know, I have been struggling with my purpose in life. Trying to figure out what I am supposed to do now that Eleanor is in school and I have free time on my hands. I have prayed and searched for something to do. I have volunteered to help out in many different areas and I am always turned down. I just couldn't figure out what God wanted me to do.
A few weeks ago during a major 3 hour meltdow/cryfest with my husband, he said something that has been bumping around in my head every since. He told me that maybe God wanted me to spend this time focusing on me. WHAT?!?!?!? I didn't like the sound of it, but something rang true. It has finally settled in my soul and I am at peace that God is giving the me gift of time.
He is giving me time that very few mothers and wives get to have. He is giving me time to focus on getting my temple in order. Time to work through my addiction and all that goes along with that.
At first, I felt guilty. But, I have slowly realized that it is okay to focus on me for a time.
Don't you know that your body is a sanctuary of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have received from God. You do not belong to yourselves. 1 Corinthians 6:19
My body is a temple and I have neglected it for too long. I now see that God wants me to take this time to get my temple back in order. To honor him with how I live. To give him praise and glory for the way that my body can work and accomplish things.
So, I have turned over a new leaf. In the last 2 weeks, I have decided to make exercise a priority. I am treating it as my job. If Bryan and Eleanor have to get up and go to work and school, then my booty better be exercising.
This is an unbelievable gift that I have been given. I see that God's plans are bigger than we even realize. He brought me to the breaking point during a time in my life when I can focus on myself. I couldn't have done this a year ago.
The song that is rattling around in my brain this morning is Lord Prepare Me to be a Sanctuary. Beautiful words that are my prayer today.
Lord prepare me to be a sanctuary
Pure and Holy
Tried and True
And With Thanksgiving
I'll be a living sanctuary
Lord for you
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