"Eleanor, I need you to eat something." "Eleanor, eat your Fruit Loops." "Eleanor, do not disobey me. I said eat your breakfast." After 20 minutes of comments like these I was angry. It wasn't like I was asking her to do something just because. We normally don't push breakfast(because Eleanor just doesn't seem to be able to eat first thing in the morning). But, this morning, I knew it was important. I knew that because she is on an antibiotic that she could end up having an accident at school that could cause her embarrassment. I wanted to save her from that. Mommy knew best in this case. Active disobedience from my child is something that pushes me over the edge every time. So what did I do? I yelled, stomped my foot and even slammed my fist down and I caused my child to cry out in fear.
I was convicted of my reaction. I asked God for forgiveness and then asked Eleanor to forgive me for losing my temper. Then off to school she went.
Then, as I sat down for my quiet time, both my devotion and my daily bible reading had the same verse in them. I mean, how did Lysa Terkeurst know that I would be reading Hebrews at the same time I was reading her devotion! Oh wait, that was probably a God thing, huh?
Let us approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:16
It wasn't ten minutes later that I was screaming, stomping, and throwing a bag of cheese across the kitchen because Bryan had made me angry. As I took a few minutes alone in Mommy time out, I began to realize that I had just done the same thing again. Lost my temper. So again I went to God and Bryan and asked for forgiveness.
It made me stop and think. Does God ever get tired of doling out grace? I mean, shouldn't I have learned my lesson after the first explosion this morning? How many more times in my life is God going to have to forgive me for my temper? Does he ever want to shake me and tell me that enough is enough? Does he want to throw his hands up and say, "Mary, I just can't forgive you this time. You have done it one too many times!"?
Then, I am reminded that God's grace covers all my sins. Not just the first few times that I fail, but every time I fail. That is how much he loves me. So, now I find peace in knowing that I can't fall out of God's grace. It gives me the strength and the courage to get up and dust myself off. To ask for his guidance. To ask him to change my character in a way that will glorify him more. Here is to hoping that the next time my temper threatens to flare, that God will have taught me a better way to handle the situation.
P.S. For those that are wondering, the bag of cheese was closed. There was no cheese lost in the midst of the tantrum. Yes, I know some of you were thinking it!
No comments:
Post a Comment