Unsettled

Before I get to my 8 month post op update, I want to share with you all what has been going on with me this week.  I have hit many milestones in the last few weeks.  I have bought a belt for the first time in over 15 years.  I have officially left the plus size clothing world.  I am so close to losing 100 pounds that I can taste the victory.  I put on an outfit that stopped my husband dead in his tracks.  So, shouldn't I be jumping for joy.  Shouldn't I be so excited that all my dreams are finally coming to pass.  I am within 30 pounds of hitting my personal weight goal.  But, I am unsettled.
I have been dealing with some very negative inner monologue in the last couple of weeks.  Horrible thoughts about the way that I look with no clothes on.  Self depreciating thoughts about this blog.  Wondering why I even do it.  Asking myself if everyone is completely sick of hearing about my journey.  Over and over in my mind, I have started to believe lies about myself.  Lies that Satan is planting into my soul.
Today, I was reminded in two ways that God is working.  I was reminded that this blog is important by a dear friend's email.  An encouragement and confirmation that I am doing what God wants me to do that came at the exact moment that I needed it.  For that friend, I say "Thank you!".  Thank you for following God's prompting in writing that email.  For at the moment I received it, I was sitting on the couch listening to the lies and debating whether or not to even get on the computer and type this blog.
Another reminder came from the Made to Crave Devotional.  Today's devotional was a reminder that success does not come from what size clothes that you fit into or the number on the scale, but it comes from the peace that you feel inside.  It made me realize that peace is what I have been missing.  It allowed me to cry out to my Lord to fill me with the peace that only he can give.  A peace that will settle my soul. 
It brought me back to the reality that it doesn't matter how much I lost on the scale this week(which wasn't what I had hoped for). 
So, thank you all who have encouraged me along the way.  God always sends someone when I need it the most to encourage me to keep going, keep striving towards my goal.  But, to also remind me that my goal is not a number on the scale, but to find and keep the peace that living free from an addiction can give me.  A peace that I can only gain through Christ. 
Alright, now onto where I am with my weight loss.  I have lost 95 pounds and 57 inches.  I have had to switch to a shirt in the pictures because the lose skin in more than anyone would want to see on my belly and thighs(No wonder they duct tape the Biggest Loser contestants' tummies and legs for the finale!). 

 Oh, and I realized that these outfits were similar.  Thought it was crazy the difference!

Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name make known among the nations what he has done, and proclaim that his name is exalted.  Sing to the Lord, for he has done glorious things; let this be known to all the world.  Shout aloud and sing for joy, people of Zion, for great is the Holy One of Israel among you. "  Isaiah 12:4-6