Raw

I need my scale.  I am a wreck.  I don't feel like I have lost any weight in forever.  I am know I haven't lost any inches in almost 2 months.  I am scared to death that I have gained weight.  I don't have any way to measure how I am doing.  This the longest 40 days.  I really don't know why I am putting myself through this.  What if I have gained weight?  Even worse, what if I still haven't lost anything at the end of this?  That would mean that I haven't lost any weight in 3 months.  I hit 100 pounds and then NOTHING! 
This is a moment of raw emotions.  I know that Bryan is tired of having this conversation with me over and over, so I am putting it out there into cyberspace. 
When will I ever feel successful?  When will I ever reach my goal?  It seems so far away.  Oh, I just need my scale! Isn't it crazy to be crying over a scale.  Crying because I can't weigh myself.  Crying because I need that validation the number that scale holds. 
I feel anxious and nervous inside.  It is taking everything I have not to destroy this house in the search of stupid machine.  How long until Easter?  I am scared to count the days.  I am more scared to think about stepping on that scale after all this time.  Tell me why this was a good idea?  Ugh......