This morning didn't start off very good. It was weigh in day, and it wasn't what I expected. According to the science of "calories in, calories out" I should have lost 1 1/2 to 2 pounds this week. I mean, I really busted my booty. I ate a perfect diet and I increased my exercise. I tracked everything with my Body Bugg. Despite all this, I got on the scale and only lost 1/2 pound. I was frustrated beyond belief. I was so mad that I wanted to quit. Why have I given up all carbs? Why am I working out so much? I didn't want to go to the gym, but I did. I am a firm believer that God honors commitment, so off I went.
So, grumpy old me got on the treadmill. I started walking and that little voice told me to RUN. Oh, no, I told myself. I can't run. I have tried it before. I can never make it more than a minute before I am panting and about to pass out. Well, at least that is how it was before I lost the weight. So, I increased my speed and told myself to aim for 3 minutes. Surely after a hundred pounds you can run 3 minutes straight. Well, 3 minutes came and went. So did 5 and 8 minutes. I made it to 10 minutes without stopping of slowing down! WHAT!?!?!?!?! As the minutes kept rolling around and I kept going, the joy I felt was overwhelming. Honestly, I could have kept going, but I didn't want to wake up tomorrow not being able to get out of bed.
God proved to me(AGAIN) that I am not defined by that number on the scale. He is doing a great work in me and he is faithful to complete it. It may not be in my time or in my way, but he is working in me. He has given me the strength to become a whole new person. A person that I don't even recognize in the mirror. A person that can do more than she ever thought she could. Running on that treadmill meant more to me today than 2 pounds ever would have. God proved to me that it success does not always show up on the scale!
Monday, April 30, 2012
Monday, April 23, 2012
ONEderland
Today I hit ONEderland! I have been waiting for this day for a long, long time! I just want to take a minute to reflect on who has gotten me here. In Deuteronomy 4:9 it reminds us to be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. I have to be careful to always remember that I only got here because of the strength the Lord has given me. There is no way that my weak, addicted soul could have accomplished this.
So, today I give all the glory of this number to my Lord. It has been a road filled with ups and downs. A road with many struggles and lots of lessons learned. But, it has been a glorious journey and it isn't over yet! Step by step, God is leading me to victory.
He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6
Today, I will celebrate the victory that has been given to me, but I will also keep my eyes on the completion of this journey. God isn't done with me yet!
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Genie in a Bottle
I am tired of this concept of I can get anything I want from God if only I believe it enough, pray for it the right way, and for some speak it into being. It is simply not the way it works. I have tried it. I have bought into it, but I have been convicted lately, that God is not my genie in a bottle. He is not in the business of giving me anything I want just because I believe it enough. He doesn't give me what I want. He gives me what I NEED.
There are some truths in what these well meaning people do. Yes, everything is possible with God. Yes, God can move mountains with just a mustard seed of faith. Yes, God gives you what you want if you earnestly ask him. But here is where they go wrong. It isn't everything we ask for. It isn't an avenue for us to get what we want. GOD ONLY GIVES US THE THINGS WE ASK FOR IF THEY ARE IN ACCORDANCE TO HIS WILL.
So, I might pray the most beautiful prayer for another child. I might claim every morning that I am going to have another child. I might have unmoveable faith that God can make my barren womb into a fruitful womb(becuase he can). But, if it isn't his will for me to have another child, then I am not getting it.
Most of the scriptures that are used to support this "Name it, Claim it" philosophy are taken out of context. Most of them are speaking of blessings that the scriptures have promised us, if we only ask. For example, wisdom. God has promised to give us wisdom if we ask for it. So, we can believe without a doubt if we ask for it, we will receive it. I can find nowhere is scripture that tells me that if I ask for something I want, that I will automatically get it. If you know of one, please share it with me.
I think we need to be careful on how we ask for what we want. I am learning this lesson. I am commanded to pray for my desires. Why? I believe that is so that no matter whether I get my desire or I don't, all credit can go to God. Remember, God will make his glory known. In fact, that is our mission as Christians is to make his glory known. So, I will pray feverently for another child. BUT, I will ask for it only if is in the will of God to give it to me. If it is not in his will, I will also pray that through this I will be drawn closer to him. Through this, I will learn that greater joy can come from not having another child, if that is what he choses. Because, my God has promised that through all things, I can have peace and joy in him.
My God has a future planned for me. A future that will be full of hope and prosperity. But he is going to give me things or keep things from me that are going to ensure that I stay close to him. Who knows, maybe another child would become an idol for me(or already has) and I need to be denied it so that I will keep my focus on Christ.
There are some truths in what these well meaning people do. Yes, everything is possible with God. Yes, God can move mountains with just a mustard seed of faith. Yes, God gives you what you want if you earnestly ask him. But here is where they go wrong. It isn't everything we ask for. It isn't an avenue for us to get what we want. GOD ONLY GIVES US THE THINGS WE ASK FOR IF THEY ARE IN ACCORDANCE TO HIS WILL.
So, I might pray the most beautiful prayer for another child. I might claim every morning that I am going to have another child. I might have unmoveable faith that God can make my barren womb into a fruitful womb(becuase he can). But, if it isn't his will for me to have another child, then I am not getting it.
Most of the scriptures that are used to support this "Name it, Claim it" philosophy are taken out of context. Most of them are speaking of blessings that the scriptures have promised us, if we only ask. For example, wisdom. God has promised to give us wisdom if we ask for it. So, we can believe without a doubt if we ask for it, we will receive it. I can find nowhere is scripture that tells me that if I ask for something I want, that I will automatically get it. If you know of one, please share it with me.
I think we need to be careful on how we ask for what we want. I am learning this lesson. I am commanded to pray for my desires. Why? I believe that is so that no matter whether I get my desire or I don't, all credit can go to God. Remember, God will make his glory known. In fact, that is our mission as Christians is to make his glory known. So, I will pray feverently for another child. BUT, I will ask for it only if is in the will of God to give it to me. If it is not in his will, I will also pray that through this I will be drawn closer to him. Through this, I will learn that greater joy can come from not having another child, if that is what he choses. Because, my God has promised that through all things, I can have peace and joy in him.
My God has a future planned for me. A future that will be full of hope and prosperity. But he is going to give me things or keep things from me that are going to ensure that I stay close to him. Who knows, maybe another child would become an idol for me(or already has) and I need to be denied it so that I will keep my focus on Christ.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
No Sticker Chart in Heaven
I want to start out by saying that I really don't want to write this post. I feel like I am always an Eeyore. I do promise you that there are happy and content days in my life. It just always seems like I am prompted to write these posts on the bad days.
With that said, I started out bright and early this morning dealing with envy. Envious of blessings that other people are getting. So, I sat quietly this morning with the Lord. First confessing my sin of envy. Then, I realized that I didn't even have the words to pray. So, I sat with my feelings. I sat with my tears. I sat and let the Lord do the talking.
I guess an explanation is in order, but it really is very hard for me to share. Simply put, I just really don't understand why God will not give us another child. So it was as I sat there this morning, that I realized that my view of blessing was skewed. In my mind blessings come to the righteous. Blessings come to those who seek the Lord. Blessings come to those who have faith as small as a mustard seed. Oh, the scripture that I could quote you that say these things. Yet, my blessing isn't coming. So, I assume(in my feeble human mind) that I am not righteous enough. I am not seeking the Lord enough. I don't have enough faith. I am just not doing something right.
All these feelings were swirling in my head this morning. Then I heard the whisper into my soul. "I don't bless according to what you do. No one is worthy of a blessing. I bless according to my will."
Then I had to laugh at myself because I guess I envisioned God up in heaven with a sticker chart. If you receive 10 gold stars then you get a blessing. A star for good prayers. A star for faith. A star for following my commands. It should all add up to a blessing, right?
Nope. That isn't how God works. I don't understand it. In fact, I don't understand a lot of the scripture that talks about these things. I am struggling with the concept of why we pray at all, when God has it all figured out. Because, in all honesty, the more I pray and ask God to give us another child, the harder the months get. The crazier my emotions become when the answer is yet another NO. The months add up to years and the process goes on and on. I sometimes wonder why we even bother to try anymore. Maybe the answer will be a forever NO.
The bible is full of people that held on to faith even when it seemed like the Lord would never follow through. Oh, if I could just have an ounce of what they had. Maybe then, all of this would be a little easier.
(Ha! I have sat here for 30 minutes because I don't want to hit the publish button! I am trying to talk myself out of sharing this. I think I may just be too open. I think that there is no reason why anyone wants to know this. Here goes nothing....)
With that said, I started out bright and early this morning dealing with envy. Envious of blessings that other people are getting. So, I sat quietly this morning with the Lord. First confessing my sin of envy. Then, I realized that I didn't even have the words to pray. So, I sat with my feelings. I sat with my tears. I sat and let the Lord do the talking.
I guess an explanation is in order, but it really is very hard for me to share. Simply put, I just really don't understand why God will not give us another child. So it was as I sat there this morning, that I realized that my view of blessing was skewed. In my mind blessings come to the righteous. Blessings come to those who seek the Lord. Blessings come to those who have faith as small as a mustard seed. Oh, the scripture that I could quote you that say these things. Yet, my blessing isn't coming. So, I assume(in my feeble human mind) that I am not righteous enough. I am not seeking the Lord enough. I don't have enough faith. I am just not doing something right.
All these feelings were swirling in my head this morning. Then I heard the whisper into my soul. "I don't bless according to what you do. No one is worthy of a blessing. I bless according to my will."
Then I had to laugh at myself because I guess I envisioned God up in heaven with a sticker chart. If you receive 10 gold stars then you get a blessing. A star for good prayers. A star for faith. A star for following my commands. It should all add up to a blessing, right?
Nope. That isn't how God works. I don't understand it. In fact, I don't understand a lot of the scripture that talks about these things. I am struggling with the concept of why we pray at all, when God has it all figured out. Because, in all honesty, the more I pray and ask God to give us another child, the harder the months get. The crazier my emotions become when the answer is yet another NO. The months add up to years and the process goes on and on. I sometimes wonder why we even bother to try anymore. Maybe the answer will be a forever NO.
The bible is full of people that held on to faith even when it seemed like the Lord would never follow through. Oh, if I could just have an ounce of what they had. Maybe then, all of this would be a little easier.
(Ha! I have sat here for 30 minutes because I don't want to hit the publish button! I am trying to talk myself out of sharing this. I think I may just be too open. I think that there is no reason why anyone wants to know this. Here goes nothing....)
Sunday, April 8, 2012
The Scale, The Verdict
This is how the situation when down. Last night Bryan and I were talking about me weighing in on Sunday morning. I told him that I thought I would be a nervous wreck all night. So, for some crazy reason, we decided to get it over with! At 9 pm on Saturday evening, Bryan got the scale out. I know, insane!!! I decided it would be better to just get it over with and to know that on Sunday morning the numbers would be better. I just needed to know what the verdict after 40 days was going to be.
Was I able to successfully do what I needed to do without the scale? Was all the struggle and lessons learned going to pay off?
So, I stepped on the scale and it seemed like an eternity until the number came up. When it did, it was 203. *huge sigh* I had lost weight. Glory! This morning it was 202. So during the last 40 days I had lost 4 pounds. Oh, and I have dropped another pant size. I am now in a 14!!!! May sound crazy to some but that is "skinny jeans" for me!!!
I am going to admit, I was REALLY hoping that I was going to be in ONEderland. But, honestly, I am just glad for a weight loss.
Here is what I learned during this crazy Lenten season:
1. I no longer think like a fat person. I know I can make smart decisions on a daily basis and achieve weight loss.
2. Satan is a maniac. The attacks that he made on my mind and my emotions were incredibly intense. There is a reason we are warned time and again to stand firm and be alert. Satan doesn't play around. He is in it to win it!
3. Through my weaknesses I become strong. God took my weakness against the scale and made me rely on him and on his truth.
4. I learned to claim the truths of the word. I can't tell you how many times I had to chant to myself, "You are more than victorious." "God is faithful to see this out to completion".
5. I learned to trust in the attributes of God. He is faithful. He is good. He is trustworthy. He is my help. He is loving.
6. My goals may not be God's goals. I had convinced myself that I needed to be at 180 pounds by May. It was consuming me. Then through the wise words of my husband and my best friend, I realized that it was MY goal, not necessarily God's goal. That I needed to let him decide how much I was going to lose and how fast I was going to lose it. So, I have adjusted my thinking. I now just hope to be under 200 by my one year anniversary.
7. I was reminded that EVERY VICTORY IS THE LORD'S. Don't miss this one. I was victorious only because of the Lord. Only because this is his will being worked out in my life. Yet again, none of these 104 pounds would have been lost with my strength and my power. I am weak. I can't do it on my own. But, through Christ, I am more than victorious. He gets all the glory!
Was I able to successfully do what I needed to do without the scale? Was all the struggle and lessons learned going to pay off?
So, I stepped on the scale and it seemed like an eternity until the number came up. When it did, it was 203. *huge sigh* I had lost weight. Glory! This morning it was 202. So during the last 40 days I had lost 4 pounds. Oh, and I have dropped another pant size. I am now in a 14!!!! May sound crazy to some but that is "skinny jeans" for me!!!
I am going to admit, I was REALLY hoping that I was going to be in ONEderland. But, honestly, I am just glad for a weight loss.
Here is what I learned during this crazy Lenten season:
1. I no longer think like a fat person. I know I can make smart decisions on a daily basis and achieve weight loss.
2. Satan is a maniac. The attacks that he made on my mind and my emotions were incredibly intense. There is a reason we are warned time and again to stand firm and be alert. Satan doesn't play around. He is in it to win it!
3. Through my weaknesses I become strong. God took my weakness against the scale and made me rely on him and on his truth.
4. I learned to claim the truths of the word. I can't tell you how many times I had to chant to myself, "You are more than victorious." "God is faithful to see this out to completion".
5. I learned to trust in the attributes of God. He is faithful. He is good. He is trustworthy. He is my help. He is loving.
6. My goals may not be God's goals. I had convinced myself that I needed to be at 180 pounds by May. It was consuming me. Then through the wise words of my husband and my best friend, I realized that it was MY goal, not necessarily God's goal. That I needed to let him decide how much I was going to lose and how fast I was going to lose it. So, I have adjusted my thinking. I now just hope to be under 200 by my one year anniversary.
7. I was reminded that EVERY VICTORY IS THE LORD'S. Don't miss this one. I was victorious only because of the Lord. Only because this is his will being worked out in my life. Yet again, none of these 104 pounds would have been lost with my strength and my power. I am weak. I can't do it on my own. But, through Christ, I am more than victorious. He gets all the glory!
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Gentle and Quiet Spirit
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. 1 Peter 3:3-6
I have always struggled with these verses because I couldn't grasp the meaning of gentle and quiet spirit. I would always feel conflicted because you all know that my personality is not gentle and quiet. I am no Michelle Duggar! I know so many people that have what I consider a gentle personality and I can not even pretend to be part of their club. So, I have wrestled with why God would give me the personality that he gave me and then ask me to be meek and gentle. I just didn't get it. I mean for years I have been wondering this! I have even tried to be the meek and gentle wife and friend and it always ends in disaster.
Then it hit me this morning. I was skipping over the word SPIRIT and replacing it with PERSONALITY. Bingo! That is where I was going wrong and getting discouraged. God doesn't want me to change my personality, but rather my spirit. He wants me to change the way that I react and deal with him.
I looked up the word gentle in the dictionary. A spirit that is gentle is one that is easily managed and guided. It is docile. I get it. I finally understand! God wants my beauty to come from a spirit that is willing to be managed and guided by him. He doesn't want me to fight him at every turn. He wants me to peacefully(quiet spirit) follow his directions.
Peter then gives us ways that we can train our spirit to be gentle and quiet. We are to put our hope in God, do what is right, and do not give way to fear. Sounds simple enough, but isn't it so tough! Well, it is for me. To put my hope in the Lord and to have faith are hard for me. But, they are hard because I am fearful.
So, my prayer is that God will create in me a gentle and quiet spirit. That I may learn to hope in him and that my fear will be controlled through the truth of the Word. That I will do what I know is right and I will gently let the Lord manage the big and the small things. In time, I hope that my beauty will shine forth.
I have always struggled with these verses because I couldn't grasp the meaning of gentle and quiet spirit. I would always feel conflicted because you all know that my personality is not gentle and quiet. I am no Michelle Duggar! I know so many people that have what I consider a gentle personality and I can not even pretend to be part of their club. So, I have wrestled with why God would give me the personality that he gave me and then ask me to be meek and gentle. I just didn't get it. I mean for years I have been wondering this! I have even tried to be the meek and gentle wife and friend and it always ends in disaster.
Then it hit me this morning. I was skipping over the word SPIRIT and replacing it with PERSONALITY. Bingo! That is where I was going wrong and getting discouraged. God doesn't want me to change my personality, but rather my spirit. He wants me to change the way that I react and deal with him.
I looked up the word gentle in the dictionary. A spirit that is gentle is one that is easily managed and guided. It is docile. I get it. I finally understand! God wants my beauty to come from a spirit that is willing to be managed and guided by him. He doesn't want me to fight him at every turn. He wants me to peacefully(quiet spirit) follow his directions.
Peter then gives us ways that we can train our spirit to be gentle and quiet. We are to put our hope in God, do what is right, and do not give way to fear. Sounds simple enough, but isn't it so tough! Well, it is for me. To put my hope in the Lord and to have faith are hard for me. But, they are hard because I am fearful.
So, my prayer is that God will create in me a gentle and quiet spirit. That I may learn to hope in him and that my fear will be controlled through the truth of the Word. That I will do what I know is right and I will gently let the Lord manage the big and the small things. In time, I hope that my beauty will shine forth.
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