Yesterday, my father was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease. After I received the phone call, with tears streaming down my face, I entered the kitchen. I opened the cabinet and the fridge. What was going to give me comfort? I was looking for something that fill me and comfort me. Of course, my old pattern returned. I was looking for comfort from food. Searching for brownies, ice cream, cookies, or anything else that could make me feel better.
But, as I stood there, I remembered that I couldn't do that anymore. I would become sick with the sweets. I couldn't fill myself because there is no room in my stomach anymore. I can no longer sit down with the pan of brownies and drown my sorrows in the moist chocolaty heaven. This is one of the times that I count my blessings of this surgery. Even though I wanted to return to my old ways, the surgery was preventing me from doing so. For that I say, Praise God.
Now, I am ashamed of myself that I didn't turn to God first. My first real test of where my priorities lie and I still turned to food. Why did I think that food was going to make it all better? Take away the worry and fear that was plaguing me. I know better.
I realized I was going to have to deal with my emotions. I was going to have to process them, talk about them, and put them to rest. This is a strange process that I have had to learn how to do. It is not in my nature to conquer these emotions. I innately want to run from them and avoid them at all costs.
It wasn't until much later in the evening that I realized I needed to turn to the Lord for my comfort(I am so ashamed to say this). But, when I did, I found a peace. A peace that as a family, we are going to work through this. A peace, that Daddy is in safe hands. That the Lord is going to be there every step of the way. No matter what the future holds for Daddy, God is in control. There is where my comfort lies.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3&4
mary, i'm so sorry to hear about your daddy! you know, mary beth's mom has had parkinson's for several years now. your blog is an encouragement to me, as i often start digging for the brownies and ice cream when i am sad, too! although i am not struggling with my weight, i am realizing that food (desserts!) is an idol in my life, as well. i feel like, if i am having a bad day, then that's what i deserve, you know? totally unhealthy, physically/emotionally/spiritually. thanks for encouraging me, friend! and, congrats on being under 250...i know that's a big milestone!
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