I have something heavy on my heart and I am just going to share it. Satan has a firm grip on me and I can't seem to shake it. This is where I am.
I can see nothing but my flaws. I look around and everything I see points to my short comings. I am having a hard time being around others, because it reminds me that I am not as good as they are. I am not as good of a christian that others are. When I am at church, I feel like everyone around me is living this perfect godly life. A life that I can't live up to. They have it all together. It makes me want to run in the other direction.
When I am around other mothers, I find myself realizing that I really don't have this mother thing together. I am not a good wife or house keeper. Everyone else has immaculate houses and perfect children, and I can't seem to even keep my toilets clean or Eleanor from back talking me.
It has even gone as far that I can't get on weight loss forums because I see that I am not losing weight as fast as most people that have had my surgery. Suddenly, my accomplishments are dim in comparision.
I feel like a failure on all fronts. I know it is all lies, but I can't shake it. These self doubts are swarming in my head all the time it seems. So, I ask you to pray for me. Pray that I can find my way out. This isn't a very happy place to be.
I have a blog post for you to read!!!! You need a dose of "REAL" from all your friends. {HUG} I'll link you up, then share my REAL if you want.
ReplyDeletepraying for you to know Jesus' love for you, mary! if it's any consolation, i struggle with all these things, too...especially the mom guilt! i heard a great sermon this morning...he has been going through the beatitudes, and this morning, he focused on mercy, being pure in heart, and peacemaking. the thing i loved was that he said that the way to become more merciful is not to constantly thing about how unmerciful you are but to think about how merciful Jesus is. basically, saying that dwelling on our shortcomings and trying harder to fix them doesn't make us better. thinking upon Jesus and his goodness to us is what makes us better. and recognizing, everyday, that we are covered by his blood! when God looks at us, he sees the righteousness of Christ, and that should give us freedom to struggle and to fail. i feel like i could just ramble on forever, but i'll spare you! Jesus loves you, Mary! He REALLY does! (And, I do, too!)
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