Why did you create me this way? Why do I have to struggle with weight when others don't? I have asked the Lord these questions too many times to count. I have never understood how or why God would do this too me.
Well, I just got a big ol' slap on the hand by Paul this morning. But who are you, O Man, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, "Why did you make me like this?" Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use? Romans 9:20-21
It is not my right to question God on why he made me this way. It is my choice to except it and not to COVET those who don't have to deal with this problem. Yikes, I know....not another one of those Ten Commandments being broken! That is two for me now! And I thought I had it all under control!
God has his reasons for making me the way I am. I have to stop blaming my metabolism(which was tested and was on the high end of normal! Who would have believed it!!!). I have to stop blaming genetics. Why? God designed them both. It is what he wanted me to have.
Makes no sense to me, but most of the time God doesn't make sense in the present moment! So, I will try to thank the Lord for my body from now on. I will try to see that the struggles I am given are meant to draw me closer to God. In that aspect, maybe having weight issues is a blessing!
God gave me these flaws. May I be found worthy enough to serve him despite them!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Pushing the Limits and Breaking the Rules
I am a rule breaker at heart. This should not surprise any of you. I like to push the limits. I know it isn't right, but in the words of my 5 year old, "I just can't help it sometimes!".
Yesterday I broke the first rule of my diet. A rule that I promised both myself and my surgeon I would not do. Wanna know what it was? I skipped ahead on my diet. I had a spoonful of peanut butter. Now, the rules were clearly written out and I had at least 3 people go over these rules with me before my surgery. Each time, I said, "Oh no, I would never do that! Only crazy people would risk damaging their new stomach by doing that!". But, I did.
What brought me to do it? I can't say for sure, other than just being worn down by that voice in my head. That voice(aka Satan) kept telling me that it would be okay. It told me that I deserved it after being on next to nothing for two weeks. It told me that I was only a day and a half from being able to have it anyway. I rationalized that rule until I was able to break it without much guilt.
I would never break the BIG rules, just the LITTLE rules! I mean, it was peanut butter. I didn't kill anyone! But, isn't it the same thing? If I was an alcoholic instead of a food addict, wouldn't breaking a little rule be detrimental? Wouldn't one sip cause me to break my sobriety? That rule was put into place to make sure that my stomach does not bust open. That is a crazy thing to risk for some peanut butter!!! But I did it anyway.
Does it make it right that I did it, just because it is my nature? Well, duh..NO! So what do I do?
When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law, but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God-through Jesus Christ our Lord! Romans 7:21-25
I keep fighting the battle. I ask forgiveness for breaking the rule. Then, I set my mind on what the Lord desires of me and turn away from my sinful nature(Romans 8:5). And I praise the Lord that there is not condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus(Romans 8:1).
Weekly Weigh-in:
Starting weight:304
Weight this week: 286
Amount lost this week: 3 pound
Total Lost: 18 pounds
Praising the Lord that the scale finally started to move again! Thank you Lord, for seeing me through another week! (And for not letting my tummy spring a leak when I ate the PB!)
Yesterday I broke the first rule of my diet. A rule that I promised both myself and my surgeon I would not do. Wanna know what it was? I skipped ahead on my diet. I had a spoonful of peanut butter. Now, the rules were clearly written out and I had at least 3 people go over these rules with me before my surgery. Each time, I said, "Oh no, I would never do that! Only crazy people would risk damaging their new stomach by doing that!". But, I did.
What brought me to do it? I can't say for sure, other than just being worn down by that voice in my head. That voice(aka Satan) kept telling me that it would be okay. It told me that I deserved it after being on next to nothing for two weeks. It told me that I was only a day and a half from being able to have it anyway. I rationalized that rule until I was able to break it without much guilt.
I would never break the BIG rules, just the LITTLE rules! I mean, it was peanut butter. I didn't kill anyone! But, isn't it the same thing? If I was an alcoholic instead of a food addict, wouldn't breaking a little rule be detrimental? Wouldn't one sip cause me to break my sobriety? That rule was put into place to make sure that my stomach does not bust open. That is a crazy thing to risk for some peanut butter!!! But I did it anyway.
Does it make it right that I did it, just because it is my nature? Well, duh..NO! So what do I do?
When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law, but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God-through Jesus Christ our Lord! Romans 7:21-25
I keep fighting the battle. I ask forgiveness for breaking the rule. Then, I set my mind on what the Lord desires of me and turn away from my sinful nature(Romans 8:5). And I praise the Lord that there is not condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus(Romans 8:1).
Weekly Weigh-in:
Starting weight:304
Weight this week: 286
Amount lost this week: 3 pound
Total Lost: 18 pounds
Praising the Lord that the scale finally started to move again! Thank you Lord, for seeing me through another week! (And for not letting my tummy spring a leak when I ate the PB!)
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Friends are Friends Forever
Do you remember the song by Michael W. Smith, "Friends are Friends Forever"? Today I want to talk about friends. Now, I don't agree with M.W.S. on this one. I believe there is an ebb and flow in all friendships and some even come to an end. But, I do believe that friends are placed in our lives for certain reasons and for certain seasons. I have had friends that have helped me through single life, engaged life, and even pregnancy. Are they all still my friends? Most of them are, but maybe not to the extent as they were during those times of my life. Is this a bad thing? I don't think so. I still love them and care about them as much as before. But, I have also had friends that I have had to say good-bye to because the relationships were toxic to me. I guess the point I am try to make is, that God is going to place people in my life that are going to help me through the situation that today presents. Satan, on the other hand is going to try to place poisonous relationships in my path, to keep me heading down the wrong path. It is up to me to make the decision of what friendships are beneficial and which are not!
I have really started to realize the many blessings that I have in the "good friend" category. Luckily, I haven't had to end any relationships because of my addiction(yet). Will I in the future? Who knows! I sure hope not. But, I have to be willing to do just this, if someone comes along and is not supportive of my journey and my convictions.
Today, I just want to say a giant thank you to all of you that have prayed for me, sent encouraging words and scriptures to me, and have just been around to cheer me up in the last two weeks. Do you realize how much God has used you in my life? Do you realize how these simple things are the things that have gotten me through two of the hardest weeks of my life? I pray that God will unfold his blessings on each and every one of you!
But, I also urge you to keep lifting me up! The fight is far from over. In turn, I am also lifting each of you up daily. You see, I know that each journey is difficult. I want you to know, that I am going to be your biggest cheerleader!
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!...Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, 12
Friends, we HAVE to have each others back in this battle. We can't do this on our own. Don't be scared to share with people what you are going through! How else do you think God is going to minister to you? Let God bless you with supportive friendships, so in turn, you can bless others the same way.
I will leave you with a quote to dwell on:
I get by with a little help from my friends. -The Beatles
We can't do it on our own!
I have really started to realize the many blessings that I have in the "good friend" category. Luckily, I haven't had to end any relationships because of my addiction(yet). Will I in the future? Who knows! I sure hope not. But, I have to be willing to do just this, if someone comes along and is not supportive of my journey and my convictions.
Today, I just want to say a giant thank you to all of you that have prayed for me, sent encouraging words and scriptures to me, and have just been around to cheer me up in the last two weeks. Do you realize how much God has used you in my life? Do you realize how these simple things are the things that have gotten me through two of the hardest weeks of my life? I pray that God will unfold his blessings on each and every one of you!
But, I also urge you to keep lifting me up! The fight is far from over. In turn, I am also lifting each of you up daily. You see, I know that each journey is difficult. I want you to know, that I am going to be your biggest cheerleader!
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!...Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, 12
Friends, we HAVE to have each others back in this battle. We can't do this on our own. Don't be scared to share with people what you are going through! How else do you think God is going to minister to you? Let God bless you with supportive friendships, so in turn, you can bless others the same way.
I will leave you with a quote to dwell on:
I get by with a little help from my friends. -The Beatles
We can't do it on our own!
Friday, May 27, 2011
In the Pit
It has been a rough couple of days in the life of Mary. First the problem of the scale issue(have actually gained 2 pounds now...), then just plain regret and depression came along. Now, I have developed Lactose Intolerance. My whole world seems to be shaken in the last 2 days.
I have been stuck in the pit. I have been struggling so much from hunger and physical fatigue, that my emotional state of mind has suffered. I have even told Bryan that I want my old stomach back(which is in the dumpster and can't be replaced)! I know, when I step back a few months from now, I will think all this was just silly, but when you are in the mud and the mire, it is pretty much all you can focus on.
So, last night I developed SEVERE stomach cramps and chills. They were so bad that I could not sleep without the help of pain medication, and even that did little more than to dull the pain. The nasty little culprit is dairy. Well, guess what my whole new diet is made of....dairy. Yogurt, pudding, cream based soups. *sigh* Per the nurse's order, I have to go back to clear liquids for a couple of days. Hello again Jello and Popsicles. It makes me want to cry just typing it!
So, I am asking you all to pray for me. I am in a VERY bad place emotionally. I am seeking God, but sometimes the despair of the situation is overwhelming.
I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry, He lifted me out of the slimy pit , out of the mud and the mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord. Psalm 40:1-3
Dear Lord, hear my cry! Deliver me from this sadness. Help me through these circumstances. Give me a new song to sing!
I have been stuck in the pit. I have been struggling so much from hunger and physical fatigue, that my emotional state of mind has suffered. I have even told Bryan that I want my old stomach back(which is in the dumpster and can't be replaced)! I know, when I step back a few months from now, I will think all this was just silly, but when you are in the mud and the mire, it is pretty much all you can focus on.
So, last night I developed SEVERE stomach cramps and chills. They were so bad that I could not sleep without the help of pain medication, and even that did little more than to dull the pain. The nasty little culprit is dairy. Well, guess what my whole new diet is made of....dairy. Yogurt, pudding, cream based soups. *sigh* Per the nurse's order, I have to go back to clear liquids for a couple of days. Hello again Jello and Popsicles. It makes me want to cry just typing it!
So, I am asking you all to pray for me. I am in a VERY bad place emotionally. I am seeking God, but sometimes the despair of the situation is overwhelming.
I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry, He lifted me out of the slimy pit , out of the mud and the mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord. Psalm 40:1-3
Dear Lord, hear my cry! Deliver me from this sadness. Help me through these circumstances. Give me a new song to sing!
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Built Upon the Rock
This morning I got on the scale and had actually gained a pound. I have now entered into what everyone who has had a Vertical Sleeve calls "a stall". Usually it doesn't happen until week 3, but I guess my body likes to be an overachiever! Knowing what it is helps me accept it a little better. Worrying about how long it will last is a whole other story. Stalls can last anywhere from a couple of days to 3 weeks! Kind of makes it hard to stomach the pudding and face the fatigue when you are not getting tangible results.
So today, I need to focus on what we talked about yesterday some more. Bare with me!
Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash. Matthew 4:24-27
I know that Jesus was speaking about living our life in accordance to what he has taught us. But, isn't our weight loss journey part of that life? Doesn't he care about every aspect of our lives? Yes, he does. So today, I am looking at these verses as if they are talking about my journey.
Why have my attempts at losing weight and getting healthy failed before? They were built upon the sand. They couldn't stand up against the storms of life because the cornerstone of the house was not Jesus Christ.
Why will this attempt work? Because it is built upon the rock. That rock is Jesus Christ. I will be able to weather the storms that come along during this journey. I will NOT give up hope. I will NOT throw my hands up in defeat. I WILL continue to do everything I can to glorify God through this. And that includes trusting in the process that my body is going through right now. Trusting that the weight loss will begin again. Accepting that I have no control over it(agghhh...such a hard one for me!).
Will it be easy? HECK NO! I will fight the mental fight all day, but I will fight it with scripture and prayer. I will rinse and repeat each day that the scale doesn't budge. I will cling to the Rock. All the while, doing what I know I am supposed to be doing, never faultering in my commitment.
So, away I go. Ready to battle the mental fight with Satan today. Not looking forward to it, but ready.
So today, I need to focus on what we talked about yesterday some more. Bare with me!
Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash. Matthew 4:24-27
I know that Jesus was speaking about living our life in accordance to what he has taught us. But, isn't our weight loss journey part of that life? Doesn't he care about every aspect of our lives? Yes, he does. So today, I am looking at these verses as if they are talking about my journey.
Why have my attempts at losing weight and getting healthy failed before? They were built upon the sand. They couldn't stand up against the storms of life because the cornerstone of the house was not Jesus Christ.
Why will this attempt work? Because it is built upon the rock. That rock is Jesus Christ. I will be able to weather the storms that come along during this journey. I will NOT give up hope. I will NOT throw my hands up in defeat. I WILL continue to do everything I can to glorify God through this. And that includes trusting in the process that my body is going through right now. Trusting that the weight loss will begin again. Accepting that I have no control over it(agghhh...such a hard one for me!).
Will it be easy? HECK NO! I will fight the mental fight all day, but I will fight it with scripture and prayer. I will rinse and repeat each day that the scale doesn't budge. I will cling to the Rock. All the while, doing what I know I am supposed to be doing, never faultering in my commitment.
So, away I go. Ready to battle the mental fight with Satan today. Not looking forward to it, but ready.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
The Scale....Enemy Number One
This morning I got on my scale and for the first time since surgery, it had not budged. (Now, I know I have lost a significant amount of weigh this week...so don't take this as complaining and being ungrateful.) I went into panic mode. Yesterday was the day that I increase my diet to puddings, yogurt, and soups. So, I immediately went "there". Yes, my obsessive self when to the point of wanting to go back to jello! At least I was losing weight there!!! It is SO IRRATIONAL, I know. But, when it comes to the scale, are we ever rational creatures? Why do we let that little machine control our lives?
So, after Bryan talked me back down off the ledge(There really are special rewards for that man when he gets to heaven for having to deal with me!), I went to the scripture to help me deal with my fear of the scale.
Now, I was really hesitant on if I was going to find anything. I really wish there was a verse that says, "you shall not live by the numbers on the scale alone". Or at least something of that nature, but there is not. I read my chapter in Romans and got some good stuff, but nothing to help me with my struggle today. So off I went to the Psalms. I am jumping around a bunch and not really finding what I am looking for. I prayed "Lord, I need my nugget for the day! Please lead me to it!".
I have a Women's Devotions Bible and I have always thought the devotions in it were really cheesy, so I don't pay any attention to them. But, today I saw the title Delight Only in Him by Debbie Smith and I was drawn to it. Guess what, it was my nugget!
This was the verse. His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of man. Psalm 147:10. Go ahead and say it...HUH????? As I read, it made sense. She was anorexic(different disease, yet the same issues of dealing with food addiction). The point she made was that God does not delight in my physical appearance, but he does delight in the condition of my heart!! PRAISE THE LORD! GOD DOESN'T CARE WHAT NUMBER IS ON THE SCALE!!
The Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love. Psalm 147:11
So when the scale doesn't move, it is time to do a heart check. Have I been making food and exercise decisions based on glorifying the Lord? If the answer is yes, walk away from the scale knowing that God is pleased with you!! If the answer is no, walk away from the scale determined to get back on track with the Lord.
I feel like I have just rambled today. I pray that in some sort of miracle, these words make sense to you and bless you. My hope is that we can retrain our minds not to find our acceptance in the scale, but in Christ Jesus!
So, after Bryan talked me back down off the ledge(There really are special rewards for that man when he gets to heaven for having to deal with me!), I went to the scripture to help me deal with my fear of the scale.
Now, I was really hesitant on if I was going to find anything. I really wish there was a verse that says, "you shall not live by the numbers on the scale alone". Or at least something of that nature, but there is not. I read my chapter in Romans and got some good stuff, but nothing to help me with my struggle today. So off I went to the Psalms. I am jumping around a bunch and not really finding what I am looking for. I prayed "Lord, I need my nugget for the day! Please lead me to it!".
I have a Women's Devotions Bible and I have always thought the devotions in it were really cheesy, so I don't pay any attention to them. But, today I saw the title Delight Only in Him by Debbie Smith and I was drawn to it. Guess what, it was my nugget!
This was the verse. His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of man. Psalm 147:10. Go ahead and say it...HUH????? As I read, it made sense. She was anorexic(different disease, yet the same issues of dealing with food addiction). The point she made was that God does not delight in my physical appearance, but he does delight in the condition of my heart!! PRAISE THE LORD! GOD DOESN'T CARE WHAT NUMBER IS ON THE SCALE!!
The Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love. Psalm 147:11
So when the scale doesn't move, it is time to do a heart check. Have I been making food and exercise decisions based on glorifying the Lord? If the answer is yes, walk away from the scale knowing that God is pleased with you!! If the answer is no, walk away from the scale determined to get back on track with the Lord.
I feel like I have just rambled today. I pray that in some sort of miracle, these words make sense to you and bless you. My hope is that we can retrain our minds not to find our acceptance in the scale, but in Christ Jesus!
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Blah, Blah, Blah
Today is a Blah day for me. You know those days that you just want to lounge around in comfy clothes and watch really bad daytime tv. In the past, Blah days consisted of lots of food. A day of aimlessly walking into the kitchen and grazing my way through the cabinets. A bowl of cereal, then a spoonful of peanut butter straight from the jar. A little later on, some Cheezits followed by a handful of M&Ms. Not because I was hungry but because eating felt good.
Well, I can't do that today. Today, my blah day has to change the way it looks. I was reminded in church on Sunday, that we don't quit habits, we simply replace them with other habits. So, what will my new habit be? I would love to say that I am going to curl up with my bible and listen to praise music all day. It sounds like the "right" answer to say. But, I am just not there yet in my newly found walk with my Lord. I know that as a draw nearer to him, then days like that will come. But today, I think I will just sleep or maybe read a book.
I found this verse this morning. I think I will cling to it today. In the morning, O Lord, your hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. Psalm 5:3
I don't have any overwhelming insight today. But, I know that my Lord is with me even through my blah days. Even through the days that I don't feel like making the effort, he will be there. I will call upon him for strength today and I will rest in the knowledge of the love that was given to me. He has heard my prayers this morning and I wait in expectation for what I will experience today.
Well, I can't do that today. Today, my blah day has to change the way it looks. I was reminded in church on Sunday, that we don't quit habits, we simply replace them with other habits. So, what will my new habit be? I would love to say that I am going to curl up with my bible and listen to praise music all day. It sounds like the "right" answer to say. But, I am just not there yet in my newly found walk with my Lord. I know that as a draw nearer to him, then days like that will come. But today, I think I will just sleep or maybe read a book.
I found this verse this morning. I think I will cling to it today. In the morning, O Lord, your hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. Psalm 5:3
I don't have any overwhelming insight today. But, I know that my Lord is with me even through my blah days. Even through the days that I don't feel like making the effort, he will be there. I will call upon him for strength today and I will rest in the knowledge of the love that was given to me. He has heard my prayers this morning and I wait in expectation for what I will experience today.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Spiritual Body Building
Satan has shown up for the fight. I don't think I realized when I started all of this that I was going to have to fight my way through it. Maybe I should have been going to Body Pump a little more! Well, Satan has been showing up a lot more in my life lately. Guess that is what happens when he realizes he doesn't have a strong-hold on you anymore. He gets mad and he fights dirty!
Here is the perfect example. We went to the grocery yesterday so that I could pick out my yogurt and pudding that I will be eating on my new phase of my diet. It was a nightmare! I started having dialogue with myself that went something like this. "This just isn't fair. All these people getting to eat food and I have to eat stinkin' jello and Popsicles. I just don't know if I can do it for another day. I can't handle it. What would be so wrong with moving into my next phase of my diet one day early? I deserve it. I mean, I have been living on Popsicles and jello for over a week now." Over and over in my brain these thoughts went on. And I started to get ANGRY.
I decided to let Bryan in on my idea of jumping ahead on my diet. Well the rational husband he is, told me that I shouldn't do that. That is when I blew up. I started yelling and crying my woe is my stuff. I even told him, "I am angry at you because you get to eat!!!"( I know, way to be an adult, Mary) Now, my husband is a patient saint when it comes to things like this. He just sat there and let me beat him up for no reason at all, because he knew this wasn't really about him in the first place.
Then in the middle of it all, a voice within said, "you need to pray". Oh yeah, totally forgot about that. I probably should shut up and ask the Lord for some help.
If I would have had enough sense, I would have realized that the little banter inside my head that started in the grocery was actually Satan. He was trying to make me compromise my commitment.
If I would have just started praying for strength when it started, I could have prevented a big mess from happening later on.
We have got to learn Satan's tricks. He likes to get in our heads and make us feel entitled or deprived. It is the one way he knows will get us to turn our backs on the commitment we made to God(hello...anyone remember Eve!!). At the point that this starts happening, we have to stop, drop, and pray for strength!! Because, when we are weak he is strong(sing Jesus Loves Me it is in there!). Claim this verse. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26
I am here to tell you it works. As soon as I prayed that God would give me strength to make it through one more day of jello, my attitude changed and my burden didn't seem so heavy. Thank you, Jesus!
I need to do some spiritual body building. I need to learn to draw my strength from the Lord in all circumstances and stop listening to the lies of Satan. My prayer for us all is that God will give us the wisdom to recognize Satan's lies and the strength to overcome them. Get ready, Satan is MAD at you and he is about to start his battle to win you back! Stay strong and win this battle!! Our God is worth it!
Weekly Weigh in:
Starting Weight:304 lbs
This week: 289
I am down 15 lbs! PRAISE YOU, JESUS! GLORY TO YOU IN ALL THINGS!
Here is the perfect example. We went to the grocery yesterday so that I could pick out my yogurt and pudding that I will be eating on my new phase of my diet. It was a nightmare! I started having dialogue with myself that went something like this. "This just isn't fair. All these people getting to eat food and I have to eat stinkin' jello and Popsicles. I just don't know if I can do it for another day. I can't handle it. What would be so wrong with moving into my next phase of my diet one day early? I deserve it. I mean, I have been living on Popsicles and jello for over a week now." Over and over in my brain these thoughts went on. And I started to get ANGRY.
I decided to let Bryan in on my idea of jumping ahead on my diet. Well the rational husband he is, told me that I shouldn't do that. That is when I blew up. I started yelling and crying my woe is my stuff. I even told him, "I am angry at you because you get to eat!!!"( I know, way to be an adult, Mary) Now, my husband is a patient saint when it comes to things like this. He just sat there and let me beat him up for no reason at all, because he knew this wasn't really about him in the first place.
Then in the middle of it all, a voice within said, "you need to pray". Oh yeah, totally forgot about that. I probably should shut up and ask the Lord for some help.
If I would have had enough sense, I would have realized that the little banter inside my head that started in the grocery was actually Satan. He was trying to make me compromise my commitment.
If I would have just started praying for strength when it started, I could have prevented a big mess from happening later on.
We have got to learn Satan's tricks. He likes to get in our heads and make us feel entitled or deprived. It is the one way he knows will get us to turn our backs on the commitment we made to God(hello...anyone remember Eve!!). At the point that this starts happening, we have to stop, drop, and pray for strength!! Because, when we are weak he is strong(sing Jesus Loves Me it is in there!). Claim this verse. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26
I am here to tell you it works. As soon as I prayed that God would give me strength to make it through one more day of jello, my attitude changed and my burden didn't seem so heavy. Thank you, Jesus!
I need to do some spiritual body building. I need to learn to draw my strength from the Lord in all circumstances and stop listening to the lies of Satan. My prayer for us all is that God will give us the wisdom to recognize Satan's lies and the strength to overcome them. Get ready, Satan is MAD at you and he is about to start his battle to win you back! Stay strong and win this battle!! Our God is worth it!
Weekly Weigh in:
Starting Weight:304 lbs
This week: 289
I am down 15 lbs! PRAISE YOU, JESUS! GLORY TO YOU IN ALL THINGS!
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Victory by Victory
For those of you that have been to my house, you may have noticed the saying on my wall that says Live Day by Day. This has been a mantra in my life since college. It has helped me to remember that we can't worry about the past or tomorrow. That all we can do is do our best with today. I don't always do this too well. I tend to relive the past a million times in my mind. Past conversations and events that most people don't even remember happened.
As I have been on this journey I have realized that Day by Day isn't good enough when it comes to this struggle I have with food. It is more appropriate it say moment by moment or choice by choice! You see, I can't commit to be strong all day, but I can commit to be strong through my next choice. I know that if I am faced with a choice that I can cry out to God in that moment and he can help me to make the right decision!! I have this verse on my fridge to remind me that God is in that moment of temptation and he will get me out of it if I listen and obey. No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will NOT let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. 1 Corinthians 10:13
In Made to Crave Lysa talks about walking from victory to victory. You see, if you can just focus on where you are and the decision at hand it makes it easier. Count your victories during the day. One victory won in the morning will lead you to another victory in the afternoon. Who knows, by the time nighttime comes you may have had a VICTORIOUS day!
But what if you stumbled? What if we make a wrong choice? Well, my friend, we just have to pick ourselves up and strive to have a victory over the next choice. You see, if a runner stumbles and falls during a marathon, they do not go back to the starting line. They stand up and finish the race from where they fell. No more of this "Oh well, I ate a cookie, I might as well have french fries for supper" kind of attitude. Decision by decision, moment by moment, WE WILL TRUST IN THE LORD to help us make it and will rejoice and give glory to God for our VICTORIES!!
As I have been on this journey I have realized that Day by Day isn't good enough when it comes to this struggle I have with food. It is more appropriate it say moment by moment or choice by choice! You see, I can't commit to be strong all day, but I can commit to be strong through my next choice. I know that if I am faced with a choice that I can cry out to God in that moment and he can help me to make the right decision!! I have this verse on my fridge to remind me that God is in that moment of temptation and he will get me out of it if I listen and obey. No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will NOT let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. 1 Corinthians 10:13
In Made to Crave Lysa talks about walking from victory to victory. You see, if you can just focus on where you are and the decision at hand it makes it easier. Count your victories during the day. One victory won in the morning will lead you to another victory in the afternoon. Who knows, by the time nighttime comes you may have had a VICTORIOUS day!
But what if you stumbled? What if we make a wrong choice? Well, my friend, we just have to pick ourselves up and strive to have a victory over the next choice. You see, if a runner stumbles and falls during a marathon, they do not go back to the starting line. They stand up and finish the race from where they fell. No more of this "Oh well, I ate a cookie, I might as well have french fries for supper" kind of attitude. Decision by decision, moment by moment, WE WILL TRUST IN THE LORD to help us make it and will rejoice and give glory to God for our VICTORIES!!
Saturday, May 21, 2011
I am an ADDICT
I know for some of you the word addict may be a harse word. You may think, oh Mary, don't be so hard on yourself. You just love food. What is so wrong with that? Well, the definition of addiction is this: persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful. Food is NOT harmful in and of itself. But look closer....I am a compulsive overeater. I compulsively eat quanities and types of food that I know cause harm to my body. Therefore, as harsh as it is. I am an addict.
When I first came to this realization I didn't know what to do. Do I go to rehab? I mulled over the idea and even asked Bryan at one point if he thought I needed to go. After a lot of prayer the answer was no. God then layed upon my heart another truth. I had a god that wasn't God!! What??? How could I have one? But you see, food is a god for me. In fact my relationship with food is more complex and satisfying that my relationship with God! (Ouch!). You shall have no other gods before me. Deuteronomy 5:7. Great, not only am I an addict, but now I have broken one of the Ten Commandments. Way to go, Mary!
So I did the only thing I knew to do and I fell on my knees before the cross(well actually I just belly flopped across my bed) and I cried out for forgiveness. I cried and confessed to my Lord how I had failed. Then I got up and praised the Lord for the forgiveness that only his blood can give.
So know it was time for action!! I picked up the book Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst and started to dig in. But something was missing from my action plan. I had this nudge to go get the book off my nightstand. You know, the Bible. The book that doesn't move except on Sundays. You see, I haven't actively read my bible in over a year(shhh...don't tell my secret! It might ruin my image!). I had lost sight of the importance of pouring over God's word. Now, I know how to do some praying! And believe me, I pray constantly. But stupid little me had forgotten that God answers our prayers most of the time thru the use of scripture. No wonder I feel like God doesn't hear me!
So with Made to Crave in one hand and the bible in the other I set off to find some answers on how to overcome my addiction. This was the first nugget God gave me. You have circled this mountain long enough. Now turn north! Deuteronomy 2:3. Strange verse I know, but sit with it for a minute. I have done the same diet, same excercise, same yo-yoing with my weight for over 20 years. It was time to give that up and go in another direction. That direction led me to weight loss surgery.
What direction would it lead you in? You see the great thing about scripture is that it can lead you somewhere else!! The point is IT IS TIME TO MAKE A CHANGE. A CHANGE THAT WILL GLORIFY OUR LORD! I pray that you will stop circling and turn north!
When I first came to this realization I didn't know what to do. Do I go to rehab? I mulled over the idea and even asked Bryan at one point if he thought I needed to go. After a lot of prayer the answer was no. God then layed upon my heart another truth. I had a god that wasn't God!! What??? How could I have one? But you see, food is a god for me. In fact my relationship with food is more complex and satisfying that my relationship with God! (Ouch!). You shall have no other gods before me. Deuteronomy 5:7. Great, not only am I an addict, but now I have broken one of the Ten Commandments. Way to go, Mary!
So I did the only thing I knew to do and I fell on my knees before the cross(well actually I just belly flopped across my bed) and I cried out for forgiveness. I cried and confessed to my Lord how I had failed. Then I got up and praised the Lord for the forgiveness that only his blood can give.
So know it was time for action!! I picked up the book Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst and started to dig in. But something was missing from my action plan. I had this nudge to go get the book off my nightstand. You know, the Bible. The book that doesn't move except on Sundays. You see, I haven't actively read my bible in over a year(shhh...don't tell my secret! It might ruin my image!). I had lost sight of the importance of pouring over God's word. Now, I know how to do some praying! And believe me, I pray constantly. But stupid little me had forgotten that God answers our prayers most of the time thru the use of scripture. No wonder I feel like God doesn't hear me!
So with Made to Crave in one hand and the bible in the other I set off to find some answers on how to overcome my addiction. This was the first nugget God gave me. You have circled this mountain long enough. Now turn north! Deuteronomy 2:3. Strange verse I know, but sit with it for a minute. I have done the same diet, same excercise, same yo-yoing with my weight for over 20 years. It was time to give that up and go in another direction. That direction led me to weight loss surgery.
What direction would it lead you in? You see the great thing about scripture is that it can lead you somewhere else!! The point is IT IS TIME TO MAKE A CHANGE. A CHANGE THAT WILL GLORIFY OUR LORD! I pray that you will stop circling and turn north!
Friday, May 20, 2011
Biggest Loser Reject
I few months ago Mother and I applied to be on The Biggest Loser. At the time, I was crushed that we weren't selected. I mean, come on God, I am trying to lose this weight! Why won't you honor that attempt and grant me the desires of my heart. This was what I thought of as my last chance. My last attempt at losing the weight. I mean, if Bob Harper couldn't get the weight off of me, then no one could! So came the question of "Why?".
Here was my answer that the Lord gave me. "Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31
You see, The Biggest Loser is a great program, but if I would have lost my weight on that show, Bob Harper, NBC, or even myself would have been given the glory and praise for the accomplishment! God is a jealous God, he will not share his glory! It must all go to the one who created us!
God has brought me to a place that He will receive the glory. Through my journey, his greatness will be known. For it isn't me that has the strength and the will-power to do this. It is God that is providing me the way!
So in Biggest Loser fashion, here are my before pictures. I will allow time for *GASPS* before I continue!
I weighed in on my surgery day @ 304 pounds. Yes, that is correct and is not a typo. I weighed three hundred pounds. As horrified as I am to admit it, I am given peace in the thought that I will never return there. "Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! ... I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wastland" Isaiah 43:18-19
It is a new day and PRAISE THE LORD I am down 11 lbs. To God be all the glory!
Here was my answer that the Lord gave me. "Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31
You see, The Biggest Loser is a great program, but if I would have lost my weight on that show, Bob Harper, NBC, or even myself would have been given the glory and praise for the accomplishment! God is a jealous God, he will not share his glory! It must all go to the one who created us!
God has brought me to a place that He will receive the glory. Through my journey, his greatness will be known. For it isn't me that has the strength and the will-power to do this. It is God that is providing me the way!
So in Biggest Loser fashion, here are my before pictures. I will allow time for *GASPS* before I continue!
It is a new day and PRAISE THE LORD I am down 11 lbs. To God be all the glory!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
The journey has begun
I have started this blog a few days late. I wish I would have thought about it prior to surgery, but I think it is better late than never. To give those that don't know the background, I had a Gastric Vertical Sleeve proceedure done 3 days ago. Even though the physical journey began just a few days ago, the spiritual journey began several months ago.
It began when I realized that I was addicted to food. Just like someone would be addicted to drugs or alcohol, my substance of choice is food. After I realized that, my journey led me to a book titled Made to Crave. This is when I had to wake up and face the fact that my addiction is a sin and it is something that I have to work through in a spiritual sense as well.
Through lots of prayer Bryan and I decided that this weight loss surgery would be the TOOL that would help aide me in my weight loss journey. It is not the fix, it is something that will help me along the way. You see, I have to fight this battle on my own. I still will have to fight the fight to keep my eating in a place that will glorify God. He cares about what we eat and it angers him when we abuse the temple he has given us. We were made to crave him and nothing else.
I had to fall on my knees and beg for forgiveness for all the times that I had turned to food instead of Him. You see, food was my comfort and my friend, not my Lord. Oh, how that must sadden him!!
I was in a very good place going into surgery. I knew that I was doing the right thing. God was on my side and he was never going to let me go. He is the Shepherd and he takes care of his sheep!
The surgery went well. No complications and I was released from the hospital on Tuesday morning.
That is when things got rough. I couldn't keep even an ounce of liquid down with out extreme pain and nausea. I questioned my decision, but God gave me such peace when I cried out to him for help.
This morning I hit my second roadbump. I wanted food!! I could smell it and see it. It was all around me, but I couldn't have it! I was mourning the loss of my friend, food. I again turned to God and he gave the answer in Romans 6:19. It says" I put this in human terms because you are weak in your natural selves. Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness". You see, I have to think of this phase as restriction that is defining my parameters of freedom. I have to be trusted with little in order to be trusted with much. I have to go thru this pain and sadness of mourning food so that I can learn to turn to the Lord for all comfort and strength. Little by little I will be trusted with more, but I must prove myself worthy!
May all glory be unto God as I take this journey. Will you travel with me?
It began when I realized that I was addicted to food. Just like someone would be addicted to drugs or alcohol, my substance of choice is food. After I realized that, my journey led me to a book titled Made to Crave. This is when I had to wake up and face the fact that my addiction is a sin and it is something that I have to work through in a spiritual sense as well.
Through lots of prayer Bryan and I decided that this weight loss surgery would be the TOOL that would help aide me in my weight loss journey. It is not the fix, it is something that will help me along the way. You see, I have to fight this battle on my own. I still will have to fight the fight to keep my eating in a place that will glorify God. He cares about what we eat and it angers him when we abuse the temple he has given us. We were made to crave him and nothing else.
I had to fall on my knees and beg for forgiveness for all the times that I had turned to food instead of Him. You see, food was my comfort and my friend, not my Lord. Oh, how that must sadden him!!
I was in a very good place going into surgery. I knew that I was doing the right thing. God was on my side and he was never going to let me go. He is the Shepherd and he takes care of his sheep!
The surgery went well. No complications and I was released from the hospital on Tuesday morning.
That is when things got rough. I couldn't keep even an ounce of liquid down with out extreme pain and nausea. I questioned my decision, but God gave me such peace when I cried out to him for help.
This morning I hit my second roadbump. I wanted food!! I could smell it and see it. It was all around me, but I couldn't have it! I was mourning the loss of my friend, food. I again turned to God and he gave the answer in Romans 6:19. It says" I put this in human terms because you are weak in your natural selves. Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness". You see, I have to think of this phase as restriction that is defining my parameters of freedom. I have to be trusted with little in order to be trusted with much. I have to go thru this pain and sadness of mourning food so that I can learn to turn to the Lord for all comfort and strength. Little by little I will be trusted with more, but I must prove myself worthy!
May all glory be unto God as I take this journey. Will you travel with me?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)