Everything is permissible for me, but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible for me, but I will not be mastered by anything. Food for the stomach and the stomach for food, but God will destroy them both. 1 Corinthians 12-13
Mastered: To be controlled by, to be conquered, to be defeated by, to be a slave to something or someone. This is not how I want my life to be lived. I do not want to be mastered by food. I don't want to live my life in a cycle of defeat.
I am an all or nothing kind of girl. I see the world in black and white. It is right or wrong. There are rules to be followed. I do best with strict rules and lines in the sand that I dare not cross. But, I am striving to learn moderation. I am trying to learn to live in the middle ground. I am not comfortable here. I am either on a strict diet or I am on a binge. How do I live in a world where everything is permissible when it comes to food, but not everything is beneficial. How do I learn to differentiate when it is okay for me to have things and when I should say no and walk away.
Bryan and I had a talk yesterday about my banishment of carbs from my world. He wants more than anything for me to learn that it is all okay in moderation. I agree, but I don't know how to live in that world.
I have been on a diet since I was in 7th grade. On a diet since I was 12 years old. That is 22 years of rules and regulations. Do's and Don'ts. Eat this, don't eat that. Moderation is not something I understand.
I see now that it isn't about what I eat as much as letting food master me. I realize that I can be mastered by food whether I am eating right or wrong. Food has complete control of my mind. When I am dieting, I am consumed by the rules of the diet. When I am binging, I am consumed by the food itself. Neither one is pleasing to the Lord.
I am aware of this cycle now. I just don't know how to break it. I am so glad that I have a Lord that is willing to step in and help. All I have to do is pray for wisdom to understand the situation and the strength to break the chains of the thing that masters me. I don't want my mind to be filled with thoughts of food but with thoughts of God. Maybe this is what I strive for in the coming days. When my mind turns to food, then I need to turn it back to God. I need to pray, read, sing and talk about my Lord when I feel the pull of the chains trying to pull me back into my slavery.
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